Self Portrait September

Turning the lens on myself for this month...these were taken in soft natural light. I'm using this time to unapologetically play around with different kinds of edits and filters. Why not, right? I work with body image on a pretty regular basis, and that's been a big topic for me this year.

I created this video last winter, hoping to articulate some of the feelings people can go through when they change themselves. It's not always what you think!

"Know what no one tells you about weight loss? The identity crisis. I had tried to shed the weight before, unsuccessfully, for years. I was convinced that my biggest size was where I’d be spending the rest of my days, cringing through body shaming toxic environments. Nah, bro. I did the work to love myself at that size and it wasn’t always easy, but I did it. The universe went “that’s nice” and gave me a huge wake up call in June involving my blood pressure skyrocketing to ER levels. I started the keto diet and am down 50 lbs. Yay, right? Sure, totally. But, the part of me that I learned to love at my largest felt PISSED. Downright betrayed. “ExCUSE you…I thought we were cool.” That reaction was completely unexpected…did I do my job of loving that part TOO well? Why was I feeling devastated when my body was gaining energy? I wasn’t going to let this part have her way anymore, but I did need to give her a little space so, I made this video. It sucked. I’m naked and raw in this. It’s uncomfortable to talk about any of this. But it's also freeing, so, here we are."

I'm in a better place on this, and recently shot these.

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